Or leave? I wonder if one solution wouldnt just be to bring her husband WITH her (on her own expense and probably paying for their own room)? Mmm.. You are agood person for trying tobond with your husbands family. Jeez, we all married the same guy. Then I realized that he was not being irrational he was worried, and it was not a burden for me just to check in once in awhile, especially if I am on unfamiliar dark roads. Make sure that appointment is booked. People are able to manipulate their therapists, and there are also just plain bad therapists: what if the OPs husband is in therapy already with, for example, a religious provider who reinforces his moralistic fears about Vegas? You might want to change, but also can't. If you need to go out and do things, go do those with your friends and family, or even initially-strangers via v. This will make him feel valued and appreciated and more likely to want to spend time with you so you won't complain: "My husband never wants to do anything with me.". And my husband was completely fine with it. Yes, you can absolutely get yourself in serious trouble in Vegas but you can also have the most dull weekend imaginable. Why? Your husband seems to think he has a say in whether he lets you go. Bringing your spouse along on a work trip only works some of the time, and it definitely doesnt work if the spouse has already exhibited controlling behavior. You also cannot learn anything while youre in a state of fear. You get attention, you often get attempts at comfort, sometimes you get a hug; these are all rewarding. It gives him something else to focus on, so he isnt sitting on the couch by himself, watching TV and brewing in anxiety. Echoing this. Exactly. Well, they need to work on their relationship. Im also a Chicagoan with an irrational former fiance. Its really easy to say everyone else agrees (and they conveniently do so somewhere that you cant actually see/hear what they said), so anything that smacks of that strikes me as worthy of taking with a shakerfull of salt. For sure gamboling DOES occur in Vegas, same as gambling :). You also really have to go because youre the primary breadwinner in the family. My (mentally ill) mom does this thing where if theres something she doesnt want me to do, she makes up stories about how dangerous/stupid/inconsiderate/selfish/wrong of me to do it. My partner has a fantastic story of stumbling on some kind of yakuza pre-dustup in Namba (in a Family Mart of all places). Im anxious and so is my Mother, so Ive been on both sides of this, and I have a lot of sympathy for you, OP, and for your spouse too. I suspect LWs husband doesnt *really* believe she will be kidnapped in Las Vegas. It's essential to show interest in the things your spouse enjoys, even if you don't share the same enthusiasm. Just live in an exurb of a big city rather than a small town), they find this baffling. I go on frequent trips completely by myself, or with girlfriends, and he is not at all jealous/controlling (he doesnt love travel like I do which is why hes not going with, suits us fine). It can feel very cruel to set boundaries and do what you need to do for yourself when it feels like your partner is suffering, but the accommodations are just very temporary band-aids. You need your job and you need a good career trajectory, even assuming you and your husband stay together and nothing different happens in the future. Wow, that is some really scummy manipulation. And absolutely do not let his anxiety limit your life. Rationalist who is deeply against living by social norms is a great big flashing warning sign that says DO NOT ASSOCIATE WITH THIS PERSON. This happens to me at the worst times, like when Im walking home in the evening or when Im doing chores alone around the house I get this feeling like im starting in the opening sequence of whatever creepy procedural I was watching. The biggest crime Ive personally witnessed is the outrageous price of food. I spent a lot of the day just wandering around the strip). I was just sure my wife and son were either missing or dead. Next time, instead ofgoing ontrips together, try eating out orgoing for apicnic. Hes not Master of the House. This advice is enabling his negative behaviors. My Husband Didn't Want Me to Go on Vacation With His Family. Don't exhaust yourselves. OP, go on the trip. I came here to recommend asking Captain Awkward as well! Its like a bachelor/bachelorette people think they have a free pass because of the occasion and act way more out of line than they would at, say, a bridal shower. Marriage counseling is good for her so she can express her love for me without sounding like a hypochondriac. Maybe you can rest your husbands anxiety by telling him youll be too busy. But it could be so many other things as well. making sure your spouse is okay with big decisions that affect both of you isnt that unreasonable. Note to the Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Bureau. Did he not get the memo thats not how dating works. Thats it. Its an incredibly effective manipulation technique. My company sent managers to Las Vegas last February for a corporate business trip for three days. He stresses less when I go somewhere urban. oceans apart 3 teile gratis. I also suffer from anxiety that could be debilitating, if I allowed it to be. After the day ended and we would go out to dinner, he would tell her that he was sure our company wouldnt approve of us going out to dinner on their dime. (Wed been given stipends and told to enjoy a cocktail after the eight-hour training). Just stayed at a swanky suite in the Venetian with a view of the strip for $140/night. AND that a little drinking and dancing and playing roulette (pick your game), or even a LOT of drinking and dancing and playing roulette, which is what many people do is Las Vegas, is not a particularly scandalous thing to many people. It has helped me also to understand where that response came from not just the ex baggage, but early childhood experiences damaged his basic trust, which he is working on. Shes very, very conservative Christian, as is her husband. If my husband were on a trip to Vegas, Id be fine with it, but if he were going with his coworker, Id probably want to tag along. What happens in Vegas was a successful ad campaign that ran its course a long time ago, not a requirement for how to treat the trip. But it wont be easy. Husband Doesn't Want to Come with the Family on Vacation. me go. It sounds like he may possibly have an anxiety disorder of some type. In THAT case, that is a super not-normal response, and its very strange that theres a whole group of people who support this thinking. Husband and I live three hours away from Vegas. Everyone except family becomes a drunk driving human trafficker after sunset. Your house is on fire, it doesnt matter if you wash the car or not. I hope you go to Vegas and find love with someone who doesnt treat you like property. That doesnt mean I believe totally that hubby polled everybody and reports the results fairly, but it really doesnt have to be an indication that he ignored a local majority to find like-minded people. Absolutely. The no Go Fish rule was not present in my home, but I was told to respect the kidss parents whod made that rule and abide by it around those kids, because the rule seemed a reasonable difference between my parents and theirs (rather than wholly bizarre). Its hard enough to be a single lady without constantly watching single ladies being attacked!! Husband used to do this to me every time I drove anywhere in the winter. Not because I felt unsafe (though I kind of did, but I could remind myself that was because of CSI and not because of logic) but mostly because it was also not clean enough for my standards and the savings werent worth it the amount of time I spent trying to get places. OP, I agree with the prior commenter who asked about your husbands travel experience. Companies have meetings there because the hotels are set up for them, and its incredibly easy. Maybe you set a boundary about content, and tell him you only want to talk about good stuff while youre goneI love you, cant wait to see you is OK, Im so worried youll get drugged, raped, and murdered is too much to put on you while youre focusing on work. Marriage counseling implies that she has some part to play in this; individual therapy for him would help him manage his expectations of realistic safe behavior in a marriage and at work. It feels as if the OPs husband is just latching onto the location as an excuse. And the wife discussing it as though its a reasonable position makes me SAD. Yeah, this. My husband gets nervous whether Im traveling for business or just about town (granted, Im not the best driver). Who thinks its normal to ask around if he should let his wife go on a business trip, etc. even though this event is in Las Vegas, XCorp still expects its employees to hold themselves to our high standard of professionalism, My team goes to DC every year for a conference and I always tell them something like, The conference schedule is packed and unfortunately were not going to have any time for sightseeing or tourism. Sure, but hes also clearly controlling and very manipulative. Im a bit flabbergasted. Its just unacceptable. My own husband went to Vegas for a conference a few years ago. Really? Ment would not. Yeah, cheating is a pretty terrible thing to accuse a partner of without any basis, and personally is an immediate dealbreaker for me. I say this because I have a hard time believing that someone who had actually been to Vegas would hold these opinions about it honestly its not my favorite place because I find it too crazy and overstimulating, but I have never felt I was in any kind of danger. If you stay around the main touristy areas especially on the Strip there is security EVERYWHERE. Sometimes its easier to understand from the outside by hearing other stories about how irrational thoughts can impact our lives. And he, I think, talked that out with a therapist eventually. Sometimes, when a spouse accuses you of cheating out of thin air, its because they themselves are cheating, and now they see it everywhere else as a coping mechanism for justifying their own behavior. Access to prostitutes, drugs, extramarital affairs, and excessive drinking and shenanigans is available pretty much in every town and city. We're glad we did it to see it's totally do-able. We saw a fun show with impersonators of Sinatra, Dean Martin, Cher, etc and fun dancers. Did you say, thanks for confirming that I need to get away from you immediately & forever? Yes, he needs to settle down, and no, Im not suggesting she sacrifice her career because he is stressed, but it really is BOTH their problem. Not like us isnt automatically the same thing as toxic.. He was already in counselling and they focused on this issue for a while. He thinks it's going to be too difficult. Business trips for him are salt in a wound, Im guessing. Ill throw this out too just in case. Thats what tips me toward the prospect that your husband is on the controlling end of the spectrum and not the real bad anxiety end of the spectrum. Bartending is legitimate work too. But I am going to totally disagree with you that its not a relationship problem. If a person has surrounded themselves with a bunch of people that thinks its normal for one spouse to tell the other what they are/arent allowed to do, thats a beyond red flag. However, the husband is being ridiculous. The only thing I dont like about this suggestion is the implication that OPs husband can supervise her to make sure shes not cheating. What is wrong with people? If your partner has been in therapy for years and isnt making progress, its very possible that their therapist doesnt have the full picture. If I genuinely believed he was in danger, this would be insulting beyond words. Doesnt really matter. Yes its a confusing sentence but I believe the OP comments elsewhere that she wrote what she meant, the people her husband polled WOULD allow their significant others to go. There was no worry about that, my dad trusted her and knew she just needed a little break from being Mom and needed some time being Jane (not her real name) to recharge. Business trips (and business trips to Las Vegas even) are such a normal part of work life that is is totally bizarre to expect you not to go simply because of the destination. Your brain chemistry & brain function is literally abnormal, for a start. Hes a control freak who will beg, lie and manipulate every situation to get his way. Another is that hes questioning the companys motives. I do think the OP should be cautious and watch for other signs of controlling behavior/abuse, but if this is an aberration (and she says above that it is), I dont think the what happens in Vegas is enough to shift it for me. Its also fascinating, because it makes me wonder about his friends. Of course, this is all conjecture. You have a good day and thank you. Hang up the phone, turn it off, walk out of the room, leave the house and walk the dog or go for a drive, stop and get yourself a meal out somewhere. Im curious if your husband is perhaps someone who has never really traveled anywhere, and the whole prospect of travel gets his anxiety going? Its possible that thats part of it given the cheating aspect, but the worried the worst would happen is a very, very common anxiety symptom called catastrophizing. He is unable to let go of these thoughts on his own, they are interfering with his and his spouses quality of life, so he needs some help. You could rent a car, though, and see lots of great places Hoover Dam, Boulder City, Red Rock Canyon, drive around Lake Mead, drive through Death Valley, go to Scottys Castle, just drive down to Jean and Primm and back for the heck of it (we did that several times when we lived there), Mt. So anything that could be perceived poorly at their church is not allowed. Honestly, things could happen anywhere, so his questioning that the trip is in Vegas sounds like a cover. OP, no idea if my experience is relevant to you or not, but the relationships in which the possibility of me cheating (never in a million years) was raised were the ones in which HE was cheating. (I lost 30 pounds not eating while she was away, and we both shed lots of tears at TSA seeing her off) Now, new project, wife just did 12 days in Portland just saw her off for 3 days planning there for another two week project there. Their convention centers are clean, there are plenty of facilities for customer parties, etc. Well, thank heaven theyre not all drug dealers too. And yeah, if one doesnt leave the primary resort where the conference is, almost zero worry of bad experiences/people. Yeah, there are definitely shady parts of Vegas, in the same way are in almost every city. Only discussing the precise words given in the letter: There are broadly different American subcultures because there are just so many people. If you leave it as a well go eventually and never book it, and also never talk about it, things are gonna get worse. My company had an annual meeting in Vegas a few years ago, that I wasnt important enough to attend, and I was crazy jealous. Its just easier to non-committally agree with someone, especially when their view is bananas, than to get into a row with them and get involved in their marital issues. The part about staying on the same team is so, so key, and I hope the OPs husband approaches this as thoughtfully as you have. I havent missed a day other than scheduled vacation. I also tried talking through some of his wilder concerns. Because my husband trusts me. Absence doesnt make the heart grow fonder, it ruins relationships and I am 3 decades in. If you dont trust me, and I have not given you reason not to, were done. (The sales guy told her, its just like any other dance show, but at half the price and without the headdress! I recognized the name and tried to talk her out of it, but she believed the sales guy over me.)

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